It’s Whatever

It’s whatever, I don’t care anymore I seriously give up. i really do I give up. I can’t seem to get to the bottom of anything anymore and I simply don’t want to worry about it anymore. I hope things aren’t what they seem but I am not sure. The only things I seem to know anymore is that I love my family more than anything in the world. Other things I am not sure about.

I used to know who I was an now I don’t know if I am coming or going. My horoscope today said that I would be able to sort things out but that hasn’t seemed to happen. I feel like I have been going and going and just don’t wanna go anymore. I rush through the day to get done what has to be done.

I have been told so many times you will never be handed anything more than what you can handle but I am starting to wonder. I am wondering why my plate just gets stacked higher and higher.

I was trying to quit smoking but that is out the door. To much stress I so pose one day everything will calm down and be sorted out and I will be able to stop.

I have been trying to work on my blog more but it is hard to read and even think about writing. I don’t know why I feel the way i feel and that is the thing that bothers me the most. I just want to feel better. I pray that I begin to feel better have lots more energy and that eventually all my questions will be answered. I don’t know how else to look at it. Sometimes when I write how I feel it makes me feel better. I guess it is like talking to your self atleast you know someone is listening to what you are saying.

Sometimes my insides feel like they are screaming. Last night I just wanted to stand up and scream as loud as I could at the top of my lungs. I don’t even know what i wanted to scream but I think I just would feel better if I screamed.

Now today not only is Lexi still sick Lucian is vomiting now as well. I feel so bad for him. He gets so scared when he pukes. He has diarrhea now to. If he was backed up he isn’t anymore. Man you think the shitty situation blog was bad you should have seen this I had poop all over me. I usually have a good stomach but not this time I wanted to get sick I hope Jordan doesn’t get it and if Silas doesn’t have it I hope that he was just spitting up. I am so tired and I try and take a nap sometimes but I have drank so much coffee that by that time it is impossible for me to lay down. It is getting hard for me to sleep at night. Once I am out though I am out until I am awoken. It feels so good.

On one good note I weighed myself at my moms tonight and I only need to loose 10 more pounds to be back down to the size I was before I got pregnant with Silas. That does make me happy.

Lucian is not sleeping comfortably I don’t think he was whining in his sleep. I feel so bad for him I wish there was something I could do more for him. He even had a flu shot. My poor little man. it s so hard to watch him get sick because he has a fundoplication. It makes it really hard for him to vomit. And poor little man didn’t even want t take a drink of water to wash the nastyness out of his mouth.

But I so pose I should go for now. More updates later.