Tired of Doctors,Medicines, Hospitals and Needles.

So I am going to try and do this. Try and type it is so hard though. My fingers dont want to cooperate with me at all.

I am not going to lie I am not feeling myself.. I have so much going on. And now I am sick and with a diagnosis that there is no cure for. I have spent the last three days in and out  of doctors offices hospitals and on lots of medicine. I think we counted I laid down at about 1pm and slept for about 20 hours and when I awoke I felt like I  had not slept at all. Plus I was laying on the couch because I was in so much pain and on so much medicine. Travis said I was moaning all night long.

They just started me on a whole mess of different medicines. I think I counted 6 so far. And they are not even done with me yet. I have never been a medicine person so this is super hard. And on top of that I have felt bad for quite awhile now about 2 1/2 years but just never had the time to get my self checked out and now lately I have been hurting so bad and having so many other symptoms like, fatigue,tingling and numbness in my arms legs and fingers, blurred vision, dizzy spells, loss of balance, short term memory loss bad, that is what bothers me the most I think. I can be talking about something and less than 5 minutes later I am totally baffled because I cant remember.

The cold and the heat bother me, I have horrible headaches, I get lumps and swelling in certain  parts of my arms legs knees, feet, hands and fingers. Some times I cant walk or pick something up other times I am just very weak but I hurt all the time. Alot of the time I feel better if I just go and go and go it’s when I stop going that I feel horrible.

I have a loss of appetite. i could care less if I eat half the time. There are so many other things as well but my fingers are not going to allow me to type that much. I just want to feel better. But after going to the hospital today I am pretty much informed that this is something I am going to be living with for the rest of my life. That is something that is hard to grasp at the age of 26 you know.

I can’t help but ask why me? What did I do to deserve this. I have a family I have to take care of. As much as I just want to give up I have to keep going for them. Lucian and Silas Lexi are doing great Jordan broke his top permanent tooth off when he fell at grandmas and busted his tooth on the hard wood floor. Got him in to the dentist and now he has to have a root canal and have it capped. Currently looking for a dentist that takes his insurance.

Other than that you know the rest of the busy routine it is all still the same with therapist and appointments and work and so on. It never slows down. I am still determined that through all of this I am going to go ahead and go on with the rest of my schooling.

So I found out the reason I drink so much coffee is because I feel so tired and that is from either the ms or the fibromyalgia.  But I am just taking one day at a  time thats all I can do but it is getting late and I am hurting so I am going to try and lay down. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.