7/3/09

You know some people just have a way with words. I don’t think maybe they mean them as hurtful but you know when your doing all you can do and going full blast all the time what more can you do? I am exhausted. I am working more than full time. I hold down not on but two jobs 5 months pregnant I take care of my family. I some how in between all the madness make time to schedule appointments and have home visits for lucian and doctors appointments for myself. Some times I feel like I am on a emotional roller coaster. I guess I am starting to look at it like no matter how many people you always try and please someone is not going to be happy with something weather it is something that has been said something someone did or hell just something someone is thinking in there head. I go on very little sleep and it has started to become a routine. You just get used to it. I have been drinking a little more coffee than what I would like sometimes about two 1/2 cups or so a day.Not everyday. And tomorrow is my last day for smoking cigarettes. I have just decided to quit cold turkey. So we will see how it goes Travis is also quitting with me so that will help. They are just what I rely on for stress relief. I am afraid I am going to become totally cranky. I don’t know time will tell. I have my sonogram this Monday and also have a doctors appointment we will find out the sex of the baby as well as its growth and just to make sure there are not any anomalies like esophageal atresia. I am so excited I have been counting the days down now since day 30! I just hope between everything it all works out. I hope everything works out I am to that point to were I cant handle any extra stress or I am going to have a nervous melt down. Not something I need. Sometimes I tell myself just take a deep breath and breathe everything will be ok. When I get over whelmed I try to just focus on one thing at a time some times easier said than done. Jordans birthday is coming up at the end of the month I have to pick him up a few more things. Speaking of Lexi and Jordan they have been gone since last Tuesday and I miss them so much thy wont be home until this Sunday. I cant wait to see them. Right now I am just trying to wham everything and making sure i write everything down so I can keep track of appointments and things like that because other wise I would be a total nut case. I feel like sometimes I am stretched in a million different directions I think If things were easier right now and if I was not pregnant the job thin g wouldn’t be an issue I would have more energy and could deal better with being so exhausted all the time but at some points it just catches up to me I just pray everyday that I do these things that my family at home is grateful for them and don’t take them for grand it. I always can count on having a head ache because I don’t get as much sleep as I need. One of these years when I can actually sleep a solid 9 hours in my bed with my Mr blanket I will not knwo what to do I will probably feel like I was just re born or something like a little kid with so much energy to burn. Lucian is doing great he actually was holding a cheesy puff last night and was licking on it it is the first step he will be eating in no time at all. He is so curios about everythign we eat I have no doubt it will be with in dew time his curiosity just came out of no where.But he has to do it on his own. We offer it and he moves his mouth to it. Step 1! Any how I am going to get off of here for now because I have alot of things I need to get done. i hope everyone has a Happy Fourth of July tomorrow. Unfortunately I will be at work all day but I do get paid time and a half for it so there is some plus I guess. Until nest time .