June 25th 2009

I have been so busy so I apologize on my poor updates. I have been so exhausted between caring for the kids and working keeping up with the house and trying to take care of myself and the new baby to come. Easier said than done with being so dang busy.I am counting down the days until we get to have our next sonogram it will be in 10 days yay! I have a doctors appointment in 4 days. I am almost at 21 weeks pregnant half way there yay! Lucian is doing well as are the other kids. Lucian is now pulling himself up all the way to his feet. He will be walking with in the next month or so. When he gives you kisses it is so cute. You look at him an say kiss kiss and he will come forward and open his mouth and put his lips to yours. Course it only happens with Travis and I. I am waiting for the day he will give grandma and grandpa kisses because they love him so much. Travis’s Grandma has to have surgery again on the second of July for the Hydrocephalus to have the shunt put in. I have been working alot of early hours which I love as much as it exhausts me. I have to be up for work by 2:45 so that I can be at work by 3:45am. And I am done working by 2:00 pm or so. I actually love it I feel like I get so much more accomplished at work and at home as well. Wednesday night I didn’t get to bed until 12:30am and had to be up by 2:45am which is what happens every time . But I have figured out that I can go on 2 1/2 hours of sleep or so a day as long as I get a 2 hour power nap when I get home int he afternoon which Travis has made sure I get. The week of the 13 of July I work 3:45am to 2 pm everyday of the week. Trying to gear up for that one already. I finally got a few flowers planted in my flower garden a little late but better late than never. I have had my nephew alot lately also and probably will from here on out. My sister joined the army for 8 years so what does that tell you?… My mom and dad have had him on and off since he was born and as bad as it sounds I dont think she ever really wanted him I think she kept him because of my mom. It saddens me I know she was young when she got pregnant but so was I. My life has not gone how I planned it at all. I don’t really think anyone’s does. But my life has turned out to be the best I am so grateful. I have a wonderful loving sexy smart significant other who I love with all my heart. I have soon to be 4 beautiful children. I would not change a thing I am so lucky, and there are so many people in this world that have it so much worse than I ever thought about. I value my life so much. I am so thankful for every day that I have to be here with my family. Every time I leave to go to work or into town It always crosses my mind what if I am not coming back? I don’t know what is going to happen from day to day minute to minute and so I kiss my kids and Travis and tell them how much I love them and how much I am going to miss them. I don’t know if they look at it like that I doubt the kids do because they are so young they don realize it all yet. I haven’t had a easy life at all I could tell things that have happened to me as a child and through out my younger adult hood that are devastating. But you don’t give up you just keep going. When I had my son my oldest my parents had him for about a year i was around but they mainly had him. In the mean time I was trying to get my life straight and get out on my own and in that time I did so and I got my son. Looking back I regret the little things I missed out on in that period of the year even though I was there I was not there every minute of his day and now I regret that that is really the only regret that I have with my kids. But I was bettering a life for us. He made me grow up very fast. My sister just hasn’t and I don understand why. She is going on 24. She only calls and checks on him at her convenience. She got married about a month ago to a guy she met on a x box game she went to see him and then he moved back with her and they have bee3n together ever since. Dont get me wrong nice guy totally immature but what do you expect he is a year or so younger than her. It doesn’t matter bottom line I couldn’t go a day with out seeing my kids. I love my nephew very much and my mom has to work so when she works I have him in between the times I am not at work but it has worked out because I work early days. Which I am glad because I don’t like seeing my parents stressed out. I mean there kids are grown and now there raising there grandson it doesn’t seem fair to me but i can see where my mom is coming from I wouldn’t let my grand kids go with out either, And it is not that my sister doesn’t not see him at all or doesn’t not take care of him when she has him because she does she just doesn’t seem like she is happy about it. Then now she has joined the service so it is going to be weird. I feel sorry for my nephew. And he will be here when she is in basic but my mom wants her to leave him here when she gets shipped out as well. It would be different if she wanted him all the time. I love my sister so much but we are to different people. I just don’t know what to think,When I ask my mom why she doesn’t have him she says it is because she is tired and is going to school and blah blah blah but you now what I am just as busy. I have three kids and I am pregnant. I have a family I work full time I have tons of appointments and people at the house for Lucian,I am working on going back to school myself I study online. And everythign else in between I am leaving out,you know the main mom duties. A mothers job is never done. I worry about my sister alot because I do love her and n now that she is enrolled in the service it really scares me. Seems like there is so much to worry about. My nephew plays pretty well with my kids they have grown up together though,seen each other everyday. I dono I am going to try and forget about it now for awhile. I am getting tired of hearing about Micheal Jackson already. I guess I am going to go for now I have alot to do today and I will be in touch again here soon.